Wednesday of the Third Week of Advent

At that time, John summoned two of his disciples and sent them to the Lord to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we look for another?”

It's hard to take the plunge and believe.

One of my daughters' (and my) favorite movies is My Neighbor Totoro, by Hayao Miyazaki. It tells the story of two sisters who encounter magical creatures in the woods behind the house they've just moved into. The younger daughter Mei, about 4 or 5, is the first one to encounter the giant fuzzy creature of the forest, the Totoro. She accepts it like all children accept everything, with sheer amazing faith. When Jesus spoke of having faith like a child, this is what he meant. Of course there's a magical cat/bear/spirit living in the camphor tree behind our house. Why wouldn't there be?

Her sister Satsuki is around 8 and you can see the doubt mixed with desire on her face, even though it's an animated film. Growing up, she goes to school, she's busy with friends; but playing in the woods with her sister, she wants to meet Totoro, too. It's obvious she only half-believes, but the tension between believing like a child and letting go of childish things is powerful. When the girls wake one night to find Totoro in the yard, Mei immediately jumps onto him, knowing he's about to take off into the sky (on a dreidel top looking object somehow, but maybe it makes more sense in Japan...). Satsuki stands there in her pajamas. Unsure. There's a moment of hesitation and then she jumps on board. Takes the plunge and believes in this creature, in the adventure that's coming--trusts it won't be bad.

Not that John the Baptist is an 8 year old Japanese girl with a magical spirit in the backyard, but I can see him ruminating. Could it be? Is it so? Was I right? Why do I doubt? Let's find out. Let's just ask him. But Christ doesn't answer directly. He points out what he's done. What have you seen and heard? Take the plunge and believe.

I have gone through waxing and waning moments of faith, but around the time I was pregnant with Sophia I nearly lost it entirely. Faith is gift, of course, but it is one that must be tended to survive. I think my crisis was like Satsuki's. I was growing up. The world was different. I didn't know how to make it all work in my head and in my heart. I found my way eventually after a long road, but there was a tipping point when I knew I just had to jump on board and sort out the details later.